Six Reasons Why I Need My Tribe (and Why They Need Me)

After playing at The Cactus Cafe in Austin one night, a lady walked up to me and said, “That was awesome! I totally loved your music tonite! Where can I sign up for your email list?” Of course, I didn’t have one at the time. I was embarrassed, so I stumbled through the typical, “Oh, I’m sorry…I don’t have one yet… I’m not really sure it would help me… It’s so much work… but I’m on Facebook!”

She walked away and we never connected again.

In the last couple of years, however, I’ve built an email list we call The Tribe. For us, it’s more than a promotion vehicle to sell music and book shows. It’s a way I’ve been able to connect with my fans in a significant way… and help connect them with each other.

My fans are more than a bunch of email addresses to me. They are creative and resourceful. They have adventures and stories and heartaches. Just like us. And they’ve become great friends through our Tribe.

Here are six quick reasons why I love (and need!) my Tribe:

  1. We give each other emotional support. They listen to me through my struggles and help me process how to move forward. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship issue, a time management problem, or if I’m working on a new song idea and get stuck in Second Verse Hell. Coming from another creative, their support is incredibly potent. They don’t downplay my struggles. They ‘get me’. And I ‘get them’. So we rely on each other.


  1. They are a source of motivation and inspiration. Someone tells you they admire and appreciate you and your work. You get encouragement to create more and do better. Again, this is particularly powerful when it comes from someone whose taste you respect, who knows what they’re talking about. Some of my most trusted sources of motivation are other artists (songwriters, artists, authors) who’ve taken the time to thoughtfully critique my own work. They’re gentle and kind and generous… and honest. There’s a sense of mutual respect for our creations—and a mutual expectation that we are all striving to create our best work…whether they’re an artist or a real estate agent!


  1. We give each other great feedback. Those of us who’ve created something from our heart—from our innermost being— and have hung it out for the world to see, know one thing deeply: We know how to give and receive feedback. Gently. Thoughtfully. Honestly. Encouragingly. Without fail, someone in my tribe says just the right thing to give me a thoughtful and useful response to my work… and how to make it better. Sometimes it’s my wife, who knows me better than anyone, and sometimes it’s another creative who just says, “Hmmmm….yeah, but…what if you did ___________ instead?”


  1. A tribe makes for great collaboration. I can’t tell you how many times someone in the tribe gets involved with me on a project. We may talk about ideas, word choices, stories, lyrics, colors….anything. In my tribe, I have computer whizzes, artists, painters, t-shirt designers, mechanics, programmers, stylists, ranchers, secretaries, parents, coaches, pastors, atheists, writers, monks, bartenders, and construction workers. The stories and experiences we share are unending. And any of them— all of them— are amazing collaborators. Whatever we make together is exponentially more than what I could ever make alone.


  1. We keep each other accountable. When I get in a funk of depression or discouragement, or when I’m tired and worn out, someone in my tribe cares that I get off my butt and get things done. Someone cares that I keep writing, playing, singing, emailing, or whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing. And I care enough not to let them down. Now and then I’ll get a text or a message on social media that says, “Hey, man. I haven’t seen you at our songwriter circle in a while. You should come Tuesday.” It’s a gentle reminder saying “Hey, dude. Don’t you dare quit on us. We love you. You need to get up and get going.”

And I do.

  1. Most importantly, a tribe give us a place to belong. It gives all of us a place and platform do to something that matters to each of us. It gives me a place that matters. A place to belong. It gives each of us the space and the glue to be connected to passionate, creative, and supportive people. It reminds us that we are not alone. It reminds us that we matter and that our work matters.

Years ago, I had an intern named Douggie who spent the summer in Sengal, Africa. As a college football player, Douggie was a huge, beast of a young man with long hair and a HUGE heart. He was an imposing tackle on the football field, but a compassionate, kind-eyed giant off the field. After weeks in Africa, he returned home with one mantra: ubuntu. Ubuntu is an African word for community or tribe. Literally, ‘ubuntu’ means ‘I am because we are’. In other words, I am who I am because we are who we are together. We’ve adopted the mantra and printed bracelets and t-shirts, made posters and videos, and decided to embrace ‘ubuntu’. (Today, Douggie is still one of my most cherished people in the tribe. I am who I am because we are who we are.)

That, my friends, is what belonging to a tribe is all about.

My ‘tribe’ is my lifeblood. It’s helped build a community of fans who support my art, my vision, and my projects. It’s helped build real life friendships with people across all walks of life.

How do YOU build your tribe? What are YOU doing that’s working? What are ways you’re building community among your fans? I’d love to know. Share it with all of us in the comments below!



To sign up for the Tom Cottar Music TRIBE, visit Tom Cottar Music on Facebook or go to: